For Same-Sex Couples

Terry Andersen
7 days ago
3 min read

Choose your partner as if your future depends on it - because it does! In every corner of the LGBTQ+ community, you've fought for the right to love—and now, as marriage equality and civil partnerships become more accepted, it’s essential to recognize that finding “the one” carries the same weight and responsibility for same-sex couples as it does for any partnership. Whether you’re two men, two women, or non-binary partners, the person you choose will shape your emotional health, your finances, and—if you choose to parent together—the lives of your children.

Love Is Not Enough

We’ve all heard “follow your heart,” but hearts can be swayed by chemistry, passion, or the excitement of finally being seen. Real life demands much more:

Emotional maturity over fleeting passion.
Shared values over momentary thrills.
Integrity over image.

Screen for Core Compatibility

Just as in any union, you must dig deeper than surface attraction:

Upbringing and Family Dynamics

How was your partner raised? Abuse, neglect, codependence, or rejection can leave unhealed wounds. If they haven’t done the work to heal, those patterns will resurface in your relationship.

Moral and Spiritual Values

Do your beliefs around honesty, commitment, faith (spiritual or ethical), and community service align? If your cores clash, small fights become unbridgeable chasms.

Financial and Career Stability

Are you both pulling in the same direction when it comes to earning, saving, and investing? Financial tension is one of the top causes of breakups—plan together, and make sure you can both weather storms.

Intentions and Commitment

Are you both in it for love—and for life? If one of you sees relationships as temporary or a stepping-stone, you will end up heartbroken. Agree on exclusivity, future plans, and mutual support from the start.

Heal Your Past - Before Building a Future

If either of you experienced abuse, neglect, or abandonment—whether due to homophobia, family rejection, or trauma—you must seek professional counseling before making a lifelong commitment. Unresolved trauma skews your judgment, makes you chase unhealthy dynamics, and risks repeating the same painful patterns. Healing isn’t a detour—it’s the foundation of a strong partnership.

Date Alcohol - and Hookup-Free

To clearly see one another’s true character, consider agreeing up front to date without sex or alcohol until you’ve both decided you’re a match for lifelong partnership. This approach:

Removes hormonal haze and social pressure
Reveals authentic communication styles
Uncovers how you handle conflict and boredom

Say plainly:

“I'm looking for a life partner, not a fling. I won’t engage physically until we’ve both committed to this path as one.”

A Prenuptial or Partnership Agreement Is Essential

No matter how deeply you love one another, life can change. A fair, co-written prenuptial or civil-partnership agreement protects both partners if the relationship ends. It’s not a lack of faith or lack of love in the beginning of a relationship —it’s responsible planning! If your partner balks, or refuses to discuss it, take it as a major red flag and reconsider everything. In fact just walk away and save yourself future problems.

Watch for the Red Flags

Even within our community, manipulation, control, abuse, and dishonesty exist. Be alert for:

Gaslighting or minimizing your feelings
Financial secrecy or irresponsibility
Excessive jealousy or controlling behavior
Refusal to define the relationship
Refusal to talk about the future
Disrespects you or your family/friends
Calls you names
Puts their hands on you in a negative manner

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, pause and investigate rather than ignore it. Always trust your instincts - they are never wrong.

Final Thoughts

Choose with clarity, courage, and compassion—to create a legacy of love that endures. Your love and legacy as a same-sex couple deserve the same depth of joy, stability, and fulfillment that any couple can achieve—but it requires intentional, grounded choice-making: